BREAKING NEWS: CASTLE LITE TAP RUNS DRY

South Africans are bracing themselves for what has been dubbed “the most inconvenient thing to happen”. A spokesperson from the Castle Lite Crisis Management team confirmed in a telephonic conversation, that the country is heading for a dry, empty cooler-box summer unless drastic measures are taken – something, she insists Castle Lite are working on.

“In Mid-October, the crisis management team was alerted to the fact that we were running low on the Castle Lite 12 pack variant in stores. A plan had been put in place to ease the crisis but the continued surge in consumption of the product has since seen that plan fall short. We are currently working with various specialists to assist us in finding a new solution. Until then, we urge Castle Lite drinkers to drink sparingly and remain patient.”

Speculators suggest that the crisis has been exasperated by the early arrival of spring in the Gauteng region. Coupled with that sporting spectacle on October 7th between the New Zealand and South Africa, the matter worsened. Rugby enthusiast and avid millennial blogger, Banzi Fakuze, believes it was that infamous rugby game that led us into the situation we now find ourselves.

“No one expected the Springboks to show up and play the way they did that day but they did and that could be where Castle Lite went wrong and miscalculated the demand for their product.”

However, it’s not only rugby enthusiasts that have been affected by the Castle Lite crisis. We spoke to Jessica Verboom, who just arrived back from her weekend getaway in Bela Bela and expressed concern that she couldn’t find any Castle Lite 12 packs at the bottle store.

“My boyfriend was so disappointed, I told him that there wasn’t any and he was devastated. I don’t know, maybe I should have asked to speak to a manager or something? The weekend was still okay though… I guess… but it was really hot and so no one danced to Journey.”

So, with no plans set into motion to alleviate consumers of the anxiety caused by the shortage of their favourite beer, we wait with dry tongues and parched lips for any sign of the 12 pack. Until then fam, EVERY SIP COUNTS.

 

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